I have been amiss in posting here. I once had a job in which I was paid good money to teach fairy tales, Greek myths, and Arthuriana. When my life dragged me away from this, I fear I lost part of my will and began to punish myself by hiding my pen.
I have decided that my punishment is done.
Now, I have another job; I coordinate a writing center. It seems that I am decent at this job; it seems to like me and I find that it is growing on me. I urge my patient reader to imagine a shawl-like moss, rather than fungus here.
One of the major duties I have in my new job is managing people. I know that I used to manage 25-30 students every three months in my old job and I had no discipline problems. But then, I had help: the magic of the tales was in charge and we all towed its line. Now, I have no magic. I have no tales that tie me to my staff, students, colleagues, or faculty. I try to manage with smiles, nods, and a genuine wish to help and improve.
It has taken me two years to get an idea of what my job entails. So in a way, I have been lost and instead of breadcrumbs, I have been gathering puzzle pieces to lead me home. Sometimes, I find undiscovered little pathways that lead to unexpected delights. Sometimes, of course, these little pathways disappear into thorny bushes.
I have learned to manage bullies. I am no longer intimidated by the idea of a confrontation. I have found ways of initiating difficult conversations. Compartmentalizing and delegating are now second nature to me. To my immense gratitude, I find that I am part of a group of people reaching for a singular goal. To my unbelieving delight, I find that I am able to start us down a new road and find my group agreeable.
Once my broken heart healed, I began to re-configure my class notes into workshops for students. Surprisingly, these are working wonderfully. I enjoy having a small group of students in my little office and workshop verbs with them. The faculty assure me that these workshops and review sessions are helping students. Hopefully, these sessions will become part of the natural landscape of my writing center.
Yes, I have begun to think of this as "my" writing center. I have sculpted it, defined its topography and geography, drew a vision for it, and peopled it with a staff that is intelligent, purposeful, and aware of itself as a team. I have taken responsibility for what happens here, whether I am present or not. I welcome the kindly intentioned and defend its boundaries from the ill-intentioned.
People are always asking me if I miss my old job. Of course I do! However, that job does not exist anymore. People ask me if I miss teaching or the classroom. Frankly, I do not. I would not retrace my steps to a classroom. That would be regressing. I have suffered a sea-change, after all, and it is impossible to go back; I might as well wish for my long-past youth!
As I sit in the little fishbowl that is my office and urge students and faculty to visit my writing center, I feel content, if recycled. This recycling has given me a different life; it is my hope that this different life will work its magic to sculpt and define me so I will once again fit into my skin.
I have decided that my punishment is done.
Now, I have another job; I coordinate a writing center. It seems that I am decent at this job; it seems to like me and I find that it is growing on me. I urge my patient reader to imagine a shawl-like moss, rather than fungus here.
One of the major duties I have in my new job is managing people. I know that I used to manage 25-30 students every three months in my old job and I had no discipline problems. But then, I had help: the magic of the tales was in charge and we all towed its line. Now, I have no magic. I have no tales that tie me to my staff, students, colleagues, or faculty. I try to manage with smiles, nods, and a genuine wish to help and improve.
It has taken me two years to get an idea of what my job entails. So in a way, I have been lost and instead of breadcrumbs, I have been gathering puzzle pieces to lead me home. Sometimes, I find undiscovered little pathways that lead to unexpected delights. Sometimes, of course, these little pathways disappear into thorny bushes.
I have learned to manage bullies. I am no longer intimidated by the idea of a confrontation. I have found ways of initiating difficult conversations. Compartmentalizing and delegating are now second nature to me. To my immense gratitude, I find that I am part of a group of people reaching for a singular goal. To my unbelieving delight, I find that I am able to start us down a new road and find my group agreeable.
Once my broken heart healed, I began to re-configure my class notes into workshops for students. Surprisingly, these are working wonderfully. I enjoy having a small group of students in my little office and workshop verbs with them. The faculty assure me that these workshops and review sessions are helping students. Hopefully, these sessions will become part of the natural landscape of my writing center.
Yes, I have begun to think of this as "my" writing center. I have sculpted it, defined its topography and geography, drew a vision for it, and peopled it with a staff that is intelligent, purposeful, and aware of itself as a team. I have taken responsibility for what happens here, whether I am present or not. I welcome the kindly intentioned and defend its boundaries from the ill-intentioned.
People are always asking me if I miss my old job. Of course I do! However, that job does not exist anymore. People ask me if I miss teaching or the classroom. Frankly, I do not. I would not retrace my steps to a classroom. That would be regressing. I have suffered a sea-change, after all, and it is impossible to go back; I might as well wish for my long-past youth!
As I sit in the little fishbowl that is my office and urge students and faculty to visit my writing center, I feel content, if recycled. This recycling has given me a different life; it is my hope that this different life will work its magic to sculpt and define me so I will once again fit into my skin.
Thank you for writing this. I love you and I'm really proud of you and grateful to be able to at least read your writing, even if I can't hug you from so far away. Your workplace is better for your presence there.
ReplyDelete